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The husband of one of Terry's cousins died yesterday. She's my age, with kids the ages of mine. I wrote her, inviting her to call me when she's ready. They live in West Virginia. It brought up all that stuff, like churning a pond that was settled and seemed clear. It hurts all over again. Another friend discovered her husband has been cheating on her. More churning, more empathy and pain. All this reenforced my desire to start a women's commune somewhere, probably near a beach. We will go bra-less if we want to, and be sensible and logical and free from Taco Bell unless we want to.

Men. Bah. They either die or do something stupid, or do something stupid then die from it. The cousin's husband died from cancer, because he had the symptoms but being a Tough Guy, didn't go to the doctor. By the time he did, it had metastisized all over his body and was too late. 2 months later he died. At least they had some time to process the idea of it. Yes, I am jealous a little bit.

The friend's husband/affair business...he's impetuous, and needs to grow the hell up. They have 4 young kids, and she's informed him that he WILL provide for her to go finish a master's degree so she can support them on her own. She is also impetuous and I worry for the kids. She's kind of All About Herself right now and those kids are too young to be dealing with this. I can see all sides of it and there is no good answer.

And I am bleeding all over the place. My heart has been stabbed again, with the cousin's husband's death, it hearts for the friend, it hurts for myself. It hurts for the people in my life whose lives are in such turmoil. I really do understand now the concept of not being of this world. I don't want to be here. I don't want this pain and mess and ridiculousness. I want sunshine and peace and heavenly music and all those good things to come. I worry some about what the next dropping shoe will entail. What's Will going to do now?


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Oct. 21st, 2015 02:00 am (UTC)
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