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I can't put this Out There, because...I can't. But, I'm angry as hell at Terry for eating himself to death and putting me where I have to do math. There. i said it. I tried so hard to cook right, fix him good lunches and nutritcious (I can never spell that) meals and he wasn't satisfied and had to fill in the theoretical blanks with Taco Bell and Red Barn fried catfish. He ate the breakfasts I made, then stopped and got a sausage biscuit (or three) on the way to work. He would get mad because I didn't keep ice cream in the freezer, so I started doing it, thinking that if it was always there he'd eat less of it, like a little each night but no. He'd scoop himself up a pint full every. single. night so I quit keeping it and he got mad about that too. How horrible and controlling of me to want to see that he ate well and lived until he was 80. It really was an issue, my controlling his food. He didn't like it. So we see what happened there. and here I am, left a widow, without the companion I chose for my lifetime, because he preferred ice cream.

I'm going to bed and read Steven King's Needful Things. Because it's Friday and I'm full of a gin and tonic and my husband has been dead for 2 years.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 25th, 2017 10:10 pm (UTC)
At first I thought this was posted on TheQuestionClub, my other Livejournal community.

I don't blame you for being mad, especially since it's not like the penalty for overeating was something overcome-able, like losing a job or having to buy a new wardrobe.

I'm kinda mad at God, because I wish He had taken mr w instead of Terry, since mr w had the same problem.
Feb. 26th, 2017 09:25 pm (UTC)
No one can blame you for thinking it or saying it. You were trying to help him understand that all of those little snacks added up, but he just couldn't see the forest for the trees. I'm still amazed by you, but I'm really sorry that you're going through this.

I am also super upset at LJ. For some reason it had you off my feed FOR MONTHS and I thought that you'd just stopped posting! I didn't feel like there was any reason to check your page until LJ started limiting the entries on my friends feed. I look forward to reading your entries again.

Also, Bree with a shotgun is amongst some of my most satisfying Desperate Housewife memories. I need to re-watch that show.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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